Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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