I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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