hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
