I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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