Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
