come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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