He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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