I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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