plz talk dirty to me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
high people should be assigned attendants
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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