I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
