I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
