i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
