You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
