He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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