She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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