i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
