I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
