Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
