Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
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He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whose parrot is this?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize