I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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