People in love make me want to vomit
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
