I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
