I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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