I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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