Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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