my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
