I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
