A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
