hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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