look no pants
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
