I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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