I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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