i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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