SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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