im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Come share oat with me in your robe
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
