i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
