we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
