i already hear my dad disowning me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
