I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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