i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
