we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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