as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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