I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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