I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
