:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
