you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
