By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
