yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize