whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
