I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
