walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
