Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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