I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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