Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
