i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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