I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
