omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
