it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
