that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
