Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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