Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
