Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
