You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
