you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
