You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
